So far, I am sixteen months into my latest weight loss journey. I have traveled this road more times than I care to admit. One positive to walking the same road so many times is that you notice new things each time and you learn stuff about yourself that can help you to overcome the obstacles more easily.
One of my biggest problems with weight loss, or maintaining my weight, is fatigue. The effort that it takes to maintain my weight is hard enough, but losing just drains me. Add stress and hormones to the mix and sometimes there is a perfect storm for falling off the wagon. Excuses mount and my determination to not give into them wanes. There are a million good reasons to not subject myself to the discipline this all requires.
When I’m already mentally tired and one of those strong cravings hit, I have learned that at some point I will give in. I’m not talking about a normal craving. I’m talking about an overwhelming compulsion to eat, and eat a lot…a lot of stuff that is not healthy. There is an actual scientific explanation behind all of it. (Google grehlin and leptin if you want to know the details.) I’m not crazy or weak. My body is truly compelling me to eat. I’m fighting biology and it is a battle that is nearly impossible to win with sheer will power.
So, what do I do? I eat! In the past I would eat, then eat some more, then just give up because I felt guilty and like a failure. One day of indulgence turned to a week, then a month. Five pounds would turn into ten, then all of a sudden I’m a hundred pounds overweight again. Years of struggle can be undone in months. It’s not fair, but little in life is. I’ve got to suck it up and figure out how to overcome it!
It hit the wall this past week. I have been doing the right things for a long time, and recently have been getting wrong results. I’ve made “good” choices but am not seeing the reward. The cravings hit and I snapped. I lost all mental control and my mindset was that I might as well let my behavior match my recent results. I have been stuck for 8 months, just bouncing around in the same five pound range. I have worked hard and am just stuck. I really wanted to go on a huge bender.
I bought a chocolate cake and didn’t even want to cut it. Diving in sounded like a great plan! I didn’t really sit down to the whole cake, but I cut a huge slice. The good news is that I didn’t eat it all! I ate all that I wanted though. I still journaled every bite and paid close attention to my thoughts and feelings about it all. Even in the midst of my weakness I was formulating a plan to recover.
I decided not to feel guilty and not to worry if the scale was up a little. Letting myself have as much as I wanted flipped that switch in my head that was telling me I was deprived. It also made me physically ill, which motivated me to go back to my healthy, non bloating, non headache inducing meals. Sometimes a moderate amount of what you crave won’t kill the craving, but a controlled binge can actually get you back on track. It doesn’t have to totally derail you. I’m happy to say that five days out from my chocolate cake binge, I am down two pounds and am no longer mentally agitated and fatigued. DIETside – 0, Kim – 1. Take that!
*The opinions in this post fly in the face of what many health and fitness professionals will tell you, but unless they’ve ever lost 100 pounds or needed to, they have no practical understanding of what is actually necessary to manage the life long fight against morbid obesity. Still, I’m not making any health recommendations or claims, just sharing what helps to tame my DIETside.
